"If you look back, you'll soon be going that way."

A recent fortune cookie had this to say to me: "If you look back, you'll soon be going that way." People have said this to me before but I wasn't in the mindset to completely take the advice. My mind, and more importantly my soul, is ready for it NOW. It is time for me to see that the past is just that. Is it that easy for everyone?! Of course not. It has taken me eight years to write those words. Eight years. It may take some people forty years.

Sometimes we have such anger, hurt, and resentment that we miss key things in those who have hurt us. We miss that the person we are angry with may have actually changed. They have grown but our perceptions of them have not. This is not fair to either party. Matter of fact, it hurts many more people than two. It encompasses everyone caught in the web. Some will choose to ignore it. Others will fight it but all will hurt especially if people try to rewrite history.


It's been eight years since my blinders came off. Maybe "those" people have changed. Maybe "those" people love me but don't know how to say it. Maybe it was me who needed to change. Maybe it is my responsibility to go to them instead of brooding over them not coming to me.

Isn't this where the Lord is the ultimate example? In John 8:7 the Lord says "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." His entire life had one purpose. He died for our sins so that we could be set FREE. During his time on Earth, he showed us and taught us that we can be whole through him no matter the mistakes we have made in the past or the mistakes we will make in the future. If we let the Lord within our hearts, how can we stay stuck in decades of the past pain caused by our own Christian brothers and sisters? Even more to the point, how can we tell our brothers and sisters we forgive them but truly never do.

One scripture has been stuck in my mind the last couple weeks since I was told "I wash my hands of you" by a person I have cherished since the day of their birth.

1 John 4:20 If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.

I've tried hard to make things right. I've apologized more times than I can count and at this stage of the game, I don't have any more apologies in me. *I* am human. We are all human. Life doesn't always go the way we want it but sometimes we just have to embrace the life we have and try and find the happy moments. If someone had told me what my life would be like in seventeen years, I would have never believed them. However, it is. I have to trust that God has a plan and when he deems fit, he will reveal that plan to me.

My happy moments have been plentiful this past week. I was able to spend precious time with my parents while celebrating wonderful news. I was able to laugh with my kids over silly things such as Gabriel trying to barter with me about Xbox time. He meant to say, "Can I stay in here and spend time with you tonight and play my game tomorrow night?" Instead he said, "Can I stay in here and spend time with you tonight and then tomorrow night I will stay in here?" Before he could correct his statement, I said, "SOLD." His sister thought this was hilarious.

Tonight I will pray for the strength to hand over to the Lord situations only he can control. As each day of 2013 comes to an end, I will pray for the Lord to give me strength to be true to my journey this year. Most importantly I will pray for the Lord to help me be the best CHRISTIAN mom to my son and daughter and Christian daughter to my parents. As always, I will pray for the remission of my sins. And knowing that as each day ends, I will thank him for blessing me with another day to tell my parents and my friends who have become family how much they truly mean to me.

It is my hope everyone reading this knows they are loved and they are pain free whether the pain is physical, emotional, or psychological.